Rata Studios

Scots TV at Scots College


Resilience rests on relationships and connectedness

Reaching out when we need support, being vulnerable enough to ask for help. Learning that when facing difficult times you don’t have to get through them on your own. Your situation can still be private and others can help make you stronger and feel less alone.

Talking the hard stuff through with someone else gets things in perspective and prevents issues from getting bigger than they need to be.

Everyone goes through hard times, it is a part of life. With resilience you won’t stop experiencing stress or difficulties but you learn to develop skills to get through the gritty things in life. You will be better equipped to cope with setbacks and challenges, it is not what happens but how you respond to what happens that makes a big difference.

Believe in yourself, trust your abilities to make good choices and get through. Take care of yourself, keep moving forward with small steps, make goals, try to stay flexible and remember your sense of humor.

With the right kind of support navigating through the hard times and challenges we face in day to day living can shape us, make us stronger and more able to deal with the gritty things that life will always throw at us.

As parents still being there on the perimeter and not taking over to try and fix it for them, but supporting them to figure it out. Encouraging and developing problem solving skills, giving them the space to learn and grow from their mistakes.

Sir John Kirwan in his book ‘Stand by Me’ refers to resilience as ‘resting on relationships’ referring to David Fassler author of ‘Help Me I’m Sad’ six essential principals in raising a resilient child;

  • Loving and supporting the ‘real’ child
  • Establishing predictability, availability and security
  • Fostering open and honest communication
  • Adopting a constructive and balanced approach to discipline
  • Allowing children to experience life
  • Enhancing self-esteem.

“What is remarkable is that many of these principles rest on relationships”

We could also look to the model of health Te Whare Tapa Wha that looks after all the aspects of wellbeing. The four pillars each playing an important part in holding us up, all underpinned by relationships and connectedness.

Go well
Jackie Calder
School Counsellor

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